Ownership, anxiety and asking the right questions
Clarity comes from solving the right problems
Last week, I got some time off work. It’s been a mix of chill and strategising about my coaching side gig. On Wednesday, I’ve got anxiety creeping in. It’s all going wrong. What do I do? How can I fix it? How? How?!
I’ve been in that situation multiple times when the team changes made me unhappy and when I struggled to work with certain people. Back then, I could blame the company, other people and circumstances.
Last week, I had the spotlight. There is just me, alone, standing in the middle of the stage in an empty theatre.
Extreme Ownership
I believe I own my life end-to-end. Even as an employee, I had to take ownership early to get myself out of the life I was living 20 years ago. Whatever I do, I always blame myself.
Even if it’s someone else doing something wrong, I know I could stop them or decide to avoid it.
Ownership gives a lot of freedom but sometimes comes with a price of stress and anxiety.
It’s easy to slip to blame without even knowing. That was the case in my career when I blamed organisation changes for my stress and burnout without realising I gave away ownership of what I do and where. I didn’t want to admit it was time to move on.
I ended with a nasty burnout and the decision made for me.
I thought I was taking ownership, but I was wrong.
I was so focused on fixing the problem I didn’t realise I was solving the wrong problem.
Wrong answers come from bad questions.
I knew I was the one responsible. I’ve been solution-oriented and asking what I can do to get better. I was looking for the next winning strategy. That was the problem.
I was looking for solutions in the situation I was in instead of zooming out and realising that it’s the situation that must change.
In both cases, I owned the first two circles. I knew it was my responsibility, and I was working on how. My failure was not looking at the broader context.
What? - I didn’t ask myself if what I was doing was the right thing to do.
Where? - I didn’t ask myself if I was in the right place.
Lessons learned
When you can’t blame anything else, there are no simple answers, only the right ones.
The zoom-out model became my go-to tool when anxiety creeps in. I remember many situations in the past where “how” wasn’t the right question to ask, and eventually, I was forced to change the other layer. Often later than they could be for my well-being.
Now, each time I feel like struggling, I ask all 4 questions:
Who? - How can I take ownership?
How? - What’s the solution to the problem?
What? - Am I focusing on the right problem?
Where? - Am I in the right place for what I want to achieve?
In my career burnout phase, It should look like
I’m the one responsible
I’ve tried multiple solutions, but nothing works (anxiety)
Is the problem I want to solve right for me and the team?
Do I want to stay or find a new place that will deliver problems I like more?
The answer to “3” was “No, I focus on the wrong problem”. I could focus on the right one.
The answer to “4” was “No, it’s not my kind of work any more, and I need to move on”
I didn’t want to admit it, and I paid the price. But as with all failures - I’ve learned a lot.
Summary
The first step is always ownership. Even if you think you don’t have power, you decide to give it to others. Just like me in my past and without noticing it.
The next is to ask the right questions to get yourself ahead. Asking all four of “Who?”, “How?”, “What?” and “Where?” give you not only answers to the problems you want to solve. It also offers a broader context of what you are working on being the right thing to do.
Looking at the big picture helped me a lot in recent weeks to lower my anxiety levels, and I hope it will help you, too!
P.S.
7 years ago, I felt stuck as a Senior PHP Engineer
→ The work got more boring each day
→ I felt like I was hitting a glass ceiling of what I could do
→ I didn’t have a clue how can I fix it
It took me a YEAR to find the answer
Today, I coach people to find their Career Clarity in 2 hours or less
If you feel stuck in the career you’re at, don’t want to wait a year for a solution, and want to start moving forward RIGHT NOW, reply to this email or DM me on LinkedIn with “CAREER”.
My mission is to give you the answers you need, and if you put in the work and won’t have the answers you need, we’ll work together until you do.